BACONMAT. BACONWEAVING. BACONFUTURE.

Last night I did the greatest thing that a man can do. I wove bacon, and then I ate it. The process of weaving bacon is a very simple one. You get a package of bacon, and then you lay the strips down in an interconnecting pattern. If you can't figure it out then you're probably too simple to enjoy the finer things in life, like running your toes through the sand, the smell of fresh mountain air, or a perfectly woven mat of bacon.

Raw weave.

I have never cooked bacon in the oven before and this scared me because I did not want to burn the bacon. I was also fearful that the bacon would not cook similarly throughout. Some of these fears came to fruition in the form of one side that was partially burned (but not ruined) and the middle being a little bit more on the tender side. Mostly the bacon was crispy and delicious though.

Fresh out the oven.

After the bacon was cooled off and some of the grease dripped off I cut the mat into four triangles so that I could share with my friends.

Its baconinny.

I made myself a bacon sandwich. It was the other two triangles (A LOT OF BACON) on two slices of bread. No vegetables. No condiments. Just bacon. Sweet beautiful bacon.

Happiness is a warm...

Yes the bacon mat was a successful endeavor. It tasted great and the smell lingered throughout the house even until the early morning when I left for work. I had a feeling my vegan roommate was going to complain about the wonderful meat smell and I prepared accordingly. I saved a small vial of bacon grease and awaited his arrival. As soon as he walked in the door his head turned green and spun all the way around. He began to speak in vegan tongues that only other homos might understand. Luckily I was ready for such an occasion and showered him with grease exclaiming, "THE POWER OF BACON COMPELS YOU." The vegan was thus banished to his room to eat spinach and brown shit that vaguely resembles sausage.

"The power of bacon compels you."

While the weaving of the bacon mat was perfect the cooking process still needs to be improved to get that perfect crispy texture throughout. Also it is important to figure out a way to cook the bacon without burning a single millimeter of the sacred strips. All in all I would have to say it was a great idea. Not my idea but a great one. As far as I know the original idea is from instructables.com. If you try this at home please be mindful of your bacon and always remember to share with friends.



A few more photos:

Bacon Presentation.

A little rough around the edges.

Taste the future.